Albert Einstein once said, “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
Well, by this definition, I must be f*cking insane.
I’ve spent my entire twenty-three years of existence being single. To be honest, it hasn’t been by choice. I’ve tried anything and everything to change that dread statues of mine; blind dates, dating apps, friends with benefits, etc.
For some reason, all these attempted relationships always fail. And that’s just putting it nicely. They end up burning up in flames, while I’m sat comforting myself with a bottle of wine and a tub of ice cream.
I’ve spent countless hours analyzing almost every fling or almost-relationship. The only thing I could ever find in common was, myself. Feeling guilty and unworthy, I use to blame myself for it all. I started to feel as if I wasn’t good enough. Slowly, I started to hate myself.
But despite it all, I continued to date.
I kept putting myself out there in hopes that this time things would be different. Hoping that this time things would end up working out. But they never did.
Recently, it hit me one day. What if I am not the problem? What if the problem is our generation and our lack of ability to date?
Since when did dating apps replace actually face-to-face connections? When did it become okay to openly be dating multiple people at once? What happened to meeting up for an innocent cup of coffee without the pressure of hooking up afterwards? What happened to waiting months to have sex with someone instead of banging it out on the first date?
Somewhere along the line, these things have not only become acceptable in our dating world, but they have become the normal. So many rules have been established for us Gen-Yers. Dating has just become some big f*cking game for us all.
Even Tinder admits to this, with its “keep playing” option after you’ve gotten a match. Our generation has created stupid terms like ghosting and f*ckboys to describe new players on the dating field.
The worst part about this all is that no one wins.
Side note: It’s not sparing someone’s feeling by suddenly disappearing and never speaking to them again. “Ghosting” is just another term for a “coward.”
There are guidelines about how long we must wait to text back. How often we are allowed to do so. We rarely have actual conversations anymore. Everything has turned into texting and snap chats. We are too scared to tell each other how we are really feeling, so we pretend like we don’t have any emotions. We have turned cold.
If we show too many emotions, we become labeled as “clingy” and “needy”. If we don’t show enough, we are “cold-hearted bitches”. It has become impossible to keep up with all these ridiculous rules. Let alone have a shot at winning.
I think we have all forgotten that we are “playing” with actual people. People who have real feeling and emotions. We disregard other people’s feeling in hopes of sparing our own.
Honestly, I think we’re all just a bit lonely. We’re all just trying to figure our way around this world. We don’t know what were doing. We’re just a bit lost and confused. We’re too scared of getting hurt, so we ruin things before they even start.
Let’s face it, as a generation, we suck at dating.
So, that’s it. I’m done. Done trying to put myself out there and getting hurt. I’m done playing stupid games with guys who don’t even seem to care.
I’m going to take a break and focus on myself. Time to put me first and figure out what I want out of life. In a few years, maybe we will all be a bit better at this whole thing and I will give it another try. But until then I’m going to take a much-needed break.
For now, no more dating apps and awkward first dates. I’m tried of waiting around for text messages that are never going to come. I have better things to waste my time on then getting ghosted by another f*ckboy who doesn’t know what he wants out of life.
It’s time for me to start doing something different, in hopes of different results. I’ll even possibly start to feel a more sane.