Why I No Longer Believe In ‘The One’

If you haven’t figured it out so far, I’m a complete and hopeless romantic. I’m in love with love. Well, mostly just the idea of it.

As each day goes on and another year is added to my life, I start to question the actual idea of “the one.” I’ve been contemplating the notion there is one specific soul out there completely compatible to our own.

It’s could just be my overabundance of bitterness taking over, but as life passes me by, I’m starting to wonder if the concept of having one person who we are meant for is even real.

Looking around at all the “functional” relationships in my life, there is one word that comes to mind: comfortable. Everyone seems comfortable, stable and content. Everyone seems happy enough.

What I don’t see, however, is real, true remarkable love. There’s no we-were-meant-for-one-another type of loves. No earth-shattering, head-over-heels examples exist in relationships surrounding me on a daily basis.

Perhaps all my friends and family have deserted the belief of “the one” and settled. Maybe they’ve impatiently grown tired of waiting around for a fictional person who may never appear, and they’ve just accepted the fate of this reality.

Maybe we are all just meant to be with someone whom we are comfortable with, someone who makes us laugh and someone we can rely on. Maybe we just need a person who helps makes it easier to get through each day and this life.

Maybe that’s why were all struggling so much, constantly finding ourselves in an affair with pain. We’re searching for something that possibly doesn’t even exist and idolizing this imaginary individual whom is going to come save us from our brokenness, heal our souls and put back together all the shattered pieces of what use to be our hearts.

Are we expecting too much from love? Placing it upon a pedestal it doesn’t belong upon? Worshiping the very concept of its existence?

By putting too much pressure on finding “the one,” we forget to appreciate the people who currently exist in our lives. What if we have become too obsessed with the idea of meeting our soulmates? What if we fail to notice compatible individuals who have already proved their worth?

Is it possible that love is just another word for comfort? Finding a person who we feel secure with? An individual, who makes us feel safe and at ease? Someone to help lessen our ache?

What if we are only breaking our own hearts searching for this make-believe prospect of love? Are we just continually looking for the person who is going to change our entire world?

We can roll over and take this all as a depressing notion, or we accept it for the truth that it holds. Free ourselves from this prison we are captive in. Free ourselves from all the rejection involved with searching for another soul.

I’m not saying I don’t believe in love. From what I can tell, I’ve been in love a few times. And if it wasn’t real love, then at least I’ve been in love with the idea of another.

It always seems like meet all the wrong people at the right time, and all the right people at the wrong time.

That inner little girl — the young girl who has spent her whole life looking for this illusion of “the one” — is screaming inside of me. She’s pleading for me to take back all these words. But, life and experiences have overcome and proved things differently.

I do believe that in time, we will find our happily ever after. We will find the storybook ending we have been longed for, but it might not appear in the way we have always fantasized it to look.

We may never find pure happiness if we keep searching for this one flawless person whom we have buried in immeasurable standards.

Each person we cross paths with is to help us find ourselves. We find the people we are meant to become.

The more we find ourselves, the less we need validation from others, and the less we crave the idea of another person making us whole. We begin to realize we are completely fulfilled on our own.

Maybe our greatest love story is falling in love with somone who has been along our sides since the very start. Maybe our perfect ending involves us putting together the pieces of our own lives and finally loving ourselves for everything that we are.

Maybe we, ourselves, are “the one” we have always been searching for this entire time.


You Can’t Embrace Singlehood Until You Ditch The Lingering Guys In Your Life

I claim I’ve always been single. I rock my self-imposed title of being aperpetually single girl and carry it around with me like a trophy I worked oh-so-hard to earn.

From a technical standpoint, I’ve been single my entire life. I’ve never had a boyfriend and never been called anyone’s girlfriend. I’ve never brought a guy home to meet my parents and never been the type of girl guys take home to theirs. Things have never progressed to a point of being in an exclusive relationship. I’ve never even had the privilege of changing my relationship status on Facebook.

Although I’ve never been in a real relationship before, I’ve never been completely alone.

There has always been some sort of guy present in my life, such as summer flings, almost-relationships, “just friends,” long-distance “things” and (my favorite) “What the hell is even going on?” type of affairs. At every stage of my life, there has always been some sort of guy lingering.

Even though I’ve been “alone” up until now, I have never really just been on my own. In a strange way, my life always seems to revolve around relationships and dating, despite my permanent single girl status.

Maybe it’s because I’ve always wanted a romantic relationship so badly. I put too much unnecessary pressure on these situations and somehow ruin things before they ever have a chance to begin. I constantly find myself trying too hard to make things work and usually with the wrong kinds of people.

Or maybe, it’s because I’ve always blamed myself for this all. I hate myself for never being able to seal the deal with any of these potential suitors. I constantly blame myself for the destruction of these failed relationships because in the end, it always points back to me. Right?

But, I came to the conclusion the other day that I’m ready.

I’m fully ready to be on my own. I’m ready to stop morphing my entire world around the idea of a relationship. I’m ready to stop focusing all my time and attention on stupid boys and their antics. I’m ready to stop overthinking everything that has led me to this perpetually single state.

In a normal day, most of my conversations revolve around dating. If I’m not talking about dating, I’m thinking about it. If I’m not thinking about it, I’m writing about it. And when I’m not writing about it, I’m reading about it.

I’ve become completely obsessed with the notion of relationships and guys. And truthfully, I think we all have.

Everywhere we turn, reminders of relationships and dating exist. It seems near impossible to escape the unnerving thought of them. With every corner we turn, every conversation we have and every advertisement we see, relationships are everywhere.

From a young age, we are taught one day we will grow up and meet the “man of our dreams.” We’re persuaded that very moment will happen on the “best day of our lives.” Our chase for that fairytale ending never really seems to end.

Who can blame us for getting so caught up in it all?

This whole idea is magnified when we’re single. We find ourselves constantly reminiscing about the lack of a significant other present in our worlds. We try to decipher why we have been given this fate, while it seems everyone else has already gotten it all figured out.

It’s really no wonder why single people struggle with their statuses. Being single appears looked down upon, when in reality, we should be commended for our ability to hand life on our own.

And for what it’s worth, I’m tired of it all. I’m tired of feeling like I’m not good enough, just because I don’t have a man by my side. I’m tired of people constantly asking me, “How are you still single?” I’m tired of hating myself due to the lack of interest from guys. It’s exhausting trying to keep up with the unfair standards society has placed upon us.

Truthfully, I’m just sick and tired about caring and thinking too much about a fantasy idea of a relationship I’ve subconsciously created in my head.

Now, I need to start putting myself first and focus on things other than relationships. I need to stop spinning my life around the idea of something that may never come. Even more importantly, I need to quit putting my happiness in the hands of others.

I truly believe it’s time for me to start concentrating on building a stable life for myself. I want to find happiness on my own terms. I want to find contentment for myself because I deserve it just as much as everyone else around me.

I’ve reached the stage where I need to be completely on my own. I want to cut out all those lingering guys and forget about all the guys who have clearlyforgotten about me. It’s time to finally leave the past where it belongs. I need to begin focusing my attention and energy on my future, one that only caters to my own wants and needs.

It’s about time I live up to my name of being a perpetually single girl and actually start living this life on my own.

This Is For All The Girls Who Have Ever Felt Alone

This is for you, my darling girl.

Any girl who feels as if she is alone. The type of girl who struggles to get through the day. This one is for the girl who looks so strong, yet feels so weak. The girl who eventually begins to believe her own fake smile.

This one is for the girl who never gives up. Who fights like hell, no matter what. Who picks herself up every time she falls. To the girl who won’t permit to be treated less than she deserves.

This is for any girl who stands for something bigger than herself. To that girl who screams, “try me,” instead of whispering “why me.” This is for the brave girl who doesn’t always feel so daring.

Here’s to the girl who smiles throughout the day, yet cries herself to sleep. The type of girl who doesn’t think she’s enough. Pretty enough. Smart enough. Good enough.

This is for any girl who has ever felt unwanted and unloved.

For the girl who sometimes feels like she is too much. The ones who care too much. Who gives too much of herself to others. For the girl who tries too hard. For the girl who understands disappointment too well.

This piece is for the type of girl who loves too much. Who gives too much of herself to people who clearly don’t deserve it. This is for any girl who has every gotten her heart completely shattered. The type of girl who feels too broken to ever be loved again.

This is for the girl who constantly battles with herself. Unnecessarily tearing herself down.

To the girl who lives her life through quotes, holding on to anything that helps her feel less alone.

This is for any girl who truly does believe she can change the world; the passionate type of girl. Any girl who is driven to be better than she ever imagined. For the girl who don’t need someone else to take care of her. That girl who can do it on her own; the independent and strong girl.

This, right here, is for the girl who can’t seem to win. Who has become a close friend to pain and rejection. Who tries and tries only to get hurt and disheartened in the end.

This is for any girl who feels like she can’t catch a break. Can’t conquer success.

Any girl who has ever doubted herself. Who still does question her abilities. I’m telling you, this is for every girl who has ever hated herself.

This is for my girl who knows exactly what she wants out of life. For any girl with big goals and even bigger dreams. The daydreamers of the world. This one is for that girl who will never let anything get in her way.

To the girl who says whatever is on their mind. For every girl who is not afraid to stand up for herself.

I’m writing this for the girl who knows what it feels like to be completely destroyed by another human being. For any girl who has ever been dragged down lower than she warrants, yet can still find love for those who damaged her.

This is for you, my sweet girl. I wrote this just for you, because you are not alone.
You will never be alone, for I am one of you.

I wrote this because you are worth it. Worth it and so much more. To remind you, that you are enough. You are pretty enough. Smart enough. Good enough.

You deserve the world. You deserve everything you have ever wanted out of this life.

I wanted you to know that you are worth being loved. You are worth the type of love that you have always dreamed of.

Oh dear girl. I love you. For you will never be alone. Because I am one of you, and I always will be.