Why I No Longer Believe In ‘The One’

If you haven’t figured it out so far, I’m a complete and hopeless romantic. I’m in love with love. Well, mostly just the idea of it.

As each day goes on and another year is added to my life, I start to question the actual idea of “the one.” I’ve been contemplating the notion there is one specific soul out there completely compatible to our own.

It’s could just be my overabundance of bitterness taking over, but as life passes me by, I’m starting to wonder if the concept of having one person who we are meant for is even real.

Looking around at all the “functional” relationships in my life, there is one word that comes to mind: comfortable. Everyone seems comfortable, stable and content. Everyone seems happy enough.

What I don’t see, however, is real, true remarkable love. There’s no we-were-meant-for-one-another type of loves. No earth-shattering, head-over-heels examples exist in relationships surrounding me on a daily basis.

Perhaps all my friends and family have deserted the belief of “the one” and settled. Maybe they’ve impatiently grown tired of waiting around for a fictional person who may never appear, and they’ve just accepted the fate of this reality.

Maybe we are all just meant to be with someone whom we are comfortable with, someone who makes us laugh and someone we can rely on. Maybe we just need a person who helps makes it easier to get through each day and this life.

Maybe that’s why were all struggling so much, constantly finding ourselves in an affair with pain. We’re searching for something that possibly doesn’t even exist and idolizing this imaginary individual whom is going to come save us from our brokenness, heal our souls and put back together all the shattered pieces of what use to be our hearts.

Are we expecting too much from love? Placing it upon a pedestal it doesn’t belong upon? Worshiping the very concept of its existence?

By putting too much pressure on finding “the one,” we forget to appreciate the people who currently exist in our lives. What if we have become too obsessed with the idea of meeting our soulmates? What if we fail to notice compatible individuals who have already proved their worth?

Is it possible that love is just another word for comfort? Finding a person who we feel secure with? An individual, who makes us feel safe and at ease? Someone to help lessen our ache?

What if we are only breaking our own hearts searching for this make-believe prospect of love? Are we just continually looking for the person who is going to change our entire world?

We can roll over and take this all as a depressing notion, or we accept it for the truth that it holds. Free ourselves from this prison we are captive in. Free ourselves from all the rejection involved with searching for another soul.

I’m not saying I don’t believe in love. From what I can tell, I’ve been in love a few times. And if it wasn’t real love, then at least I’ve been in love with the idea of another.

It always seems like meet all the wrong people at the right time, and all the right people at the wrong time.

That inner little girl — the young girl who has spent her whole life looking for this illusion of “the one” — is screaming inside of me. She’s pleading for me to take back all these words. But, life and experiences have overcome and proved things differently.

I do believe that in time, we will find our happily ever after. We will find the storybook ending we have been longed for, but it might not appear in the way we have always fantasized it to look.

We may never find pure happiness if we keep searching for this one flawless person whom we have buried in immeasurable standards.

Each person we cross paths with is to help us find ourselves. We find the people we are meant to become.

The more we find ourselves, the less we need validation from others, and the less we crave the idea of another person making us whole. We begin to realize we are completely fulfilled on our own.

Maybe our greatest love story is falling in love with somone who has been along our sides since the very start. Maybe our perfect ending involves us putting together the pieces of our own lives and finally loving ourselves for everything that we are.

Maybe we, ourselves, are “the one” we have always been searching for this entire time.

You Can’t Embrace Singlehood Until You Ditch The Lingering Guys In Your Life

I claim I’ve always been single. I rock my self-imposed title of being aperpetually single girl and carry it around with me like a trophy I worked oh-so-hard to earn.

From a technical standpoint, I’ve been single my entire life. I’ve never had a boyfriend and never been called anyone’s girlfriend. I’ve never brought a guy home to meet my parents and never been the type of girl guys take home to theirs. Things have never progressed to a point of being in an exclusive relationship. I’ve never even had the privilege of changing my relationship status on Facebook.

Although I’ve never been in a real relationship before, I’ve never been completely alone.

There has always been some sort of guy present in my life, such as summer flings, almost-relationships, “just friends,” long-distance “things” and (my favorite) “What the hell is even going on?” type of affairs. At every stage of my life, there has always been some sort of guy lingering.

Even though I’ve been “alone” up until now, I have never really just been on my own. In a strange way, my life always seems to revolve around relationships and dating, despite my permanent single girl status.

Maybe it’s because I’ve always wanted a romantic relationship so badly. I put too much unnecessary pressure on these situations and somehow ruin things before they ever have a chance to begin. I constantly find myself trying too hard to make things work and usually with the wrong kinds of people.

Or maybe, it’s because I’ve always blamed myself for this all. I hate myself for never being able to seal the deal with any of these potential suitors. I constantly blame myself for the destruction of these failed relationships because in the end, it always points back to me. Right?

But, I came to the conclusion the other day that I’m ready.

I’m fully ready to be on my own. I’m ready to stop morphing my entire world around the idea of a relationship. I’m ready to stop focusing all my time and attention on stupid boys and their antics. I’m ready to stop overthinking everything that has led me to this perpetually single state.

In a normal day, most of my conversations revolve around dating. If I’m not talking about dating, I’m thinking about it. If I’m not thinking about it, I’m writing about it. And when I’m not writing about it, I’m reading about it.

I’ve become completely obsessed with the notion of relationships and guys. And truthfully, I think we all have.

Everywhere we turn, reminders of relationships and dating exist. It seems near impossible to escape the unnerving thought of them. With every corner we turn, every conversation we have and every advertisement we see, relationships are everywhere.

From a young age, we are taught one day we will grow up and meet the “man of our dreams.” We’re persuaded that very moment will happen on the “best day of our lives.” Our chase for that fairytale ending never really seems to end.

Who can blame us for getting so caught up in it all?

This whole idea is magnified when we’re single. We find ourselves constantly reminiscing about the lack of a significant other present in our worlds. We try to decipher why we have been given this fate, while it seems everyone else has already gotten it all figured out.

It’s really no wonder why single people struggle with their statuses. Being single appears looked down upon, when in reality, we should be commended for our ability to hand life on our own.

And for what it’s worth, I’m tired of it all. I’m tired of feeling like I’m not good enough, just because I don’t have a man by my side. I’m tired of people constantly asking me, “How are you still single?” I’m tired of hating myself due to the lack of interest from guys. It’s exhausting trying to keep up with the unfair standards society has placed upon us.

Truthfully, I’m just sick and tired about caring and thinking too much about a fantasy idea of a relationship I’ve subconsciously created in my head.

Now, I need to start putting myself first and focus on things other than relationships. I need to stop spinning my life around the idea of something that may never come. Even more importantly, I need to quit putting my happiness in the hands of others.

I truly believe it’s time for me to start concentrating on building a stable life for myself. I want to find happiness on my own terms. I want to find contentment for myself because I deserve it just as much as everyone else around me.

I’ve reached the stage where I need to be completely on my own. I want to cut out all those lingering guys and forget about all the guys who have clearlyforgotten about me. It’s time to finally leave the past where it belongs. I need to begin focusing my attention and energy on my future, one that only caters to my own wants and needs.

It’s about time I live up to my name of being a perpetually single girl and actually start living this life on my own.

This Is For All The Girls Who Have Ever Felt Alone

This is for you, my darling girl.

Any girl who feels as if she is alone. The type of girl who struggles to get through the day. This one is for the girl who looks so strong, yet feels so weak. The girl who eventually begins to believe her own fake smile.

This one is for the girl who never gives up. Who fights like hell, no matter what. Who picks herself up every time she falls. To the girl who won’t permit to be treated less than she deserves.

This is for any girl who stands for something bigger than herself. To that girl who screams, “try me,” instead of whispering “why me.” This is for the brave girl who doesn’t always feel so daring.

Here’s to the girl who smiles throughout the day, yet cries herself to sleep. The type of girl who doesn’t think she’s enough. Pretty enough. Smart enough. Good enough.

This is for any girl who has ever felt unwanted and unloved.

For the girl who sometimes feels like she is too much. The ones who care too much. Who gives too much of herself to others. For the girl who tries too hard. For the girl who understands disappointment too well.

This piece is for the type of girl who loves too much. Who gives too much of herself to people who clearly don’t deserve it. This is for any girl who has every gotten her heart completely shattered. The type of girl who feels too broken to ever be loved again.

This is for the girl who constantly battles with herself. Unnecessarily tearing herself down.

To the girl who lives her life through quotes, holding on to anything that helps her feel less alone.

This is for any girl who truly does believe she can change the world; the passionate type of girl. Any girl who is driven to be better than she ever imagined. For the girl who don’t need someone else to take care of her. That girl who can do it on her own; the independent and strong girl.

This, right here, is for the girl who can’t seem to win. Who has become a close friend to pain and rejection. Who tries and tries only to get hurt and disheartened in the end.

This is for any girl who feels like she can’t catch a break. Can’t conquer success.

Any girl who has ever doubted herself. Who still does question her abilities. I’m telling you, this is for every girl who has ever hated herself.

This is for my girl who knows exactly what she wants out of life. For any girl with big goals and even bigger dreams. The daydreamers of the world. This one is for that girl who will never let anything get in her way.

To the girl who says whatever is on their mind. For every girl who is not afraid to stand up for herself.

I’m writing this for the girl who knows what it feels like to be completely destroyed by another human being. For any girl who has ever been dragged down lower than she warrants, yet can still find love for those who damaged her.

This is for you, my sweet girl. I wrote this just for you, because you are not alone.
You will never be alone, for I am one of you.

I wrote this because you are worth it. Worth it and so much more. To remind you, that you are enough. You are pretty enough. Smart enough. Good enough.

You deserve the world. You deserve everything you have ever wanted out of this life.

I wanted you to know that you are worth being loved. You are worth the type of love that you have always dreamed of.

Oh dear girl. I love you. For you will never be alone. Because I am one of you, and I always will be.

To The Girl He Chose Over Me

We’ve never met, and probably never will. I’m not even sure if you know who I even am. Honestly, I secretly hope you don’t. But we have something in common.

We both love the same man.

Well, we use too. I can no longer say that I fully do anymore. I use to love him. I guess a part of me still does, and always will. But the reality of the situation is he chose you over me.

Before I can let him become completely yours, I need you to know this.

I need you to know what I would have given him. What you must give him now. I need you to know how I wanted him to be my everything. How he must become your everything now. I need you to know how much I loved him. How much you must love him now.

I hope you treat him right and love him as much as I once did. Put him first. Take care of him in the way he deserves. Treat him better than I was ever able to.

Help him to become the greatest version of himself. Always believe in him, especially when he can’t find the strength to do so himself. Support all his goals. Support all his dreams. Please, never stand in his way. Never hold him back.

Make sure he is always happy, even if you must put his needs before your own.
Be patient with him as he opens up his heart to you. Be kind to him. Be open with him. Treat him with kindness. Treat him with respect.

Laugh at his jokes, even if they are not funny. Love him even when he is not very lovable.

Forgive him. Forgive him for his past. Forgive him for his flaws. Forgive him no matter what. Forgive him, even if he does not deserve forgiveness.
Kiss his forehead. Kiss him every morning and night. Kiss him every chance you get. Make sure he feels loved every second of every day.

Give him the truest, realest form of love. The type of love he truly deserves. The type of love he has been searching for his entire existence.

Love him in a way he never thought possible. Love him without any hesitations. Love him with every fiber of your being. Love him like anyone, including me, has ever loved him before.
Love his family as if they were you own. Same goes for his friends. Immerse yourself into his entire world. Become his other half, his better half. Complete him in a way that I wish that I could.

You are truly one of the luckiest girls in the world. You found yourself one of the good ones. Hold on to him as long as he will allow you. Never let him go. Fight like hell to make sure he will always be yours. Be the type of girl he has always needed. In the end, I hope that you can give him everything I apparently wasn’t able to.

If he fully gives you his heart, promise me you won’t break it?

Promise me you will love him to the best of you abilities. Promise me you will never hurt him. Promise me you will never leave him.

I hope that he treats you better. Better than he treated me towards the end. Better than you think you might warrant. I hope he will be able to give you a life that you have always imagined. That he gives you everything you have ever wanted. Knowing him, I have faith he will.

I guess what I’m trying to say with all of this is; Love him like I would, if he had given me the chance.

To My Future Husband

This is for you my love,

I wish that I could personally address this to you, but I have yet to learn your name. What is taking you so long? Will you come out from hiding?

Somehow it seems like everyone else has found their happily ever after, while I’m sitting around waiting for you. I understand that our time apart will only help create a better relationship for us later on. I realize that we need to figure out our own lives before we can start one together. Day by day, I get one step closer to seeing you. My goodness, I cannot wait until the day we finally get to meet. Everyday that passes, is one day closer until I get to know you.

I miss you so much. I’m not sure how it is possible to miss someone who you have never met, but I somehow do. Every morning I roll over to see your spot in my bed and life still empty. I feel your void in every aspect of my life.

I think about you often. Who you are and what you are like. Wondering where you are and what you’re doing. Hoping that you thinking about me too.

Be patient with me. Unfortunately it hasn’t been an easy ride trying to find you. I’ve had unimaginable tragedies happen on my path to finding who you are. I hope that you will be able to forgive my past and I will not hold yours against you either. Together, we will become better version of our already established selves.

My brokenness might make it harder for me to let you in. I promise not to let the actions of other guys get in the way of us. I hope that you will be understanding with me as I learn to trust again. Things might be difficult at first, but once we get there, it will be worthwhile.

I hope that we can finally be together, and then both of our worlds will be complete. I will do my best to keep you happy as long as you promise to do the same for me.

Cannot wait to learn your name, and hear my name fall off from your beautiful mouth. I crave the touch of your lips, even though I don’t know what they taste like. Long nights spent with each other, loving or fighting. It doesn’t matter to me, as long as we are together.

I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with you.

Darling, I don’t need much from you. A big house and a fancy car do not worry to me. As long as you love and treat me right, that is all that matters. We truly won’t need much, except for each other. Having one another is more than enough for me. I know that life might get in the way and we will go through some rough patches together. Promise me you will be patient with me, and I will reciprocate the favor.

Even though your eyes haven’t met me yet, I still miss the way you look at me. They have felt sadness before me, but I promise to not bring them anymore. Pain is one thing I will never purposely give you.

You, my love, are the greatest thing that will ever happen to me. Your presence is missed in my life. I’ve spent my whole life searching for a place to call home, and I know that your arms will take me there.

In a way, I’m glad we haven’t met. If I’m being honest, I don’t think I am ready for you just yet. You deserve the best version of me. Until the day we met, I will be working on this for you. Our time apart is helping us grow into people who are meant for one another.

Oh darling, I will continue waiting patiently, but please hurry yourself up. You shouldn’t keep a girl waiting forever.

I miss you and await the day when we can finally start our lives together. Because that my love, will be the greatest day of our lives.

Xx

The Love of Your Life

This Is How You Can Find The Strength To Cut Toxic People From Your Life

It’s confession time: I’ve got a destructive habit and it’s starting to get the best of me. I hold on and cling to people who don’t deserve to stay in my life. Recently, it’s gotten a bit out of hand. I think it might be time for an intervention.Since I can remember, I’ve never been one to gracefully let go of people. Gripping on to them until there is nothing left to even be holding on too. I give others more chances then they deserve. Letting them steal more than they should ever be allowed to take. Trying over and over again, only to get hurt over and over. Giving and giving, to only have more removed away from me.

I wish I knew why I keep putting myself through this. You would think after all this time I would have learned my lesson. But I guess not.

Maybe it’s because I expect too much from others. Creating unrealistic expectations, which only leading me straight to disappointment. It’s possibly because I’ve never been one to intentionally hurt others. I know what it feels like to completely be destroyed by another. I promised myself a long time ago I’d never put anyone else through that much pain and agony. I allow others linger in my life because I’m too scared of hurting them during the process of letting them go.

Who knows why I keep doing this to myself. But in the end, it’s beside the point. The important thing is what I’m doing about it all. That’s one question I do have a brilliant answer for: nothing.

Why do we keep putting ourselves in so much pain in agony over one person? We give and give, only to be disappointed in the end. What is the point of holding on to someone who is not 100 percent there? We are better than this. We can do much better than this.

Alright babies, here we go. It’s time for me to start taking my own advice. I sit here behind this computer screen telling you to cut out the negative people in your life. Giving you guidance on how to finally move on from another. I share all this advice, and then don’t even take any of it myself. It’s not fair to you, and it sure as heck isn’t fair to me.

So lets do this together. I, (enter name here), vow to stop permitting people who treat me wrong to be apart of my life anymore.

I want to do this together, you and me. It’s time for us to stand up for ourselves. Stop letting people consistently take and take from us. There is no need of us to go at this alone. By each other’s side, we can finally cut out the ones who are hurting our hearts and souls.

It’s our time to take a stance. Say the things were too afraid to say. Do the things our gut has been trying to get us to do for ages now. Delete the messages that need to be erased. Stop replying to the people who only deserve silence. Ultimately, we need to move on from the people who have no place in our lives anymore.

I’ll believe in you, if you promise to believe in me. Let’s give each other the strength we have both been struggling to find. Help one another do the things we know will improve our lives.

We both know this is the right thing to do, but for some reason we can’t find the strength to take that first step. Not everyone is meant to stay in our lives forever. We must let them teach us what they are meant too, and then keep on moving on our own path. Perhaps we will bump into them somewhere down the road. Or maybe we won’t. But for now, we both know what needs to be done. Let’s cut those strings and finally set ourselves free. Time to put down all that extra weight. We no longer need to carry it around with us.

So what do you say? I’ll jump, but only if you jump with me. Take my hand, and let’s end this dependency together. Time to free our hearts and souls.

Do what is best for ourselves, without worrying about others. It’s about time you and I finally put ourselves first.

Everything You Want To Say To The Guy Who Wants You Back

Oh my love. You want me back? Now, after all this time? How cute of you. And by cute, I really mean how nauseating.

So you’re telling me you want me to come back to you? Let me think about that one for a second.

How about…um…no.

I would just leave it at that, but looks like I’ve got 572 more words to go. Sweetie, we all knew this day would come: You crawling back and begging me to be yours again. Using your smooth words to try and get me back into your arms. Forgive me for being surprised, but you’re just a little sooner that we were expecting. Wow, how unlike you to actually be early for something.

Enlighten me darling, was she not everything you were expecting? Did she not treat you like I use too? Give you everything I knew you needed? Did she not make you her everything like I did? Oh baby, I could have told you that months ago. How does it feel realizing your ‘upgrade’ was actually a demotion? Condolences for that bruised ego of yours.

Or was it you she didn’t want? Did she finally come to her senses? Stop believing all your empty promises and cheeky lies? I’m sure you guaranteed her everything you did to me. Was it her who left you? Causing you to run back to the person who you knew would never leave you? Well the person you thought never would.

There, there snookums. It’s OK. We all already knew this day would come. Guessing it wasn’t going to last between the two of you. We predicted you coming back to me once she was gone. Sorry it took so long for you to realize it too.

You use to be everything I ever wanted. Back then, I would have done whatever it took to make you sure you were mine. I would have done anything to make you happy. Fought for you until the very end. It appears that girl is long-gone. Resting in her peaceful grave. Sorry for your loss.

Once upon a time, I’d come running back to you. But looks like that hourglass has run out of sand. Those glass slippers were giving me too many blisters. And turns out, you are no Prince Charming after all. My time is not yours to waste anymore. My life isn’t yours to be apart of either. Frankly, I’m not yours for the having anymore.

Don’t you find this all a bit ironic? I wanted you when you didn’t seem to appreciate me. Now you want me, and I can’t say I feel the same. Seems like we always desire the things we can’t have in this world. We never realize the value of someone until they are no longer ours. How does it feel to want someone who doesn’t return the favor? Looks like the tables have been turned. Hope you enjoy eating alone.

I would say that I wish you the best, but unlike you, I’ve never been one to lie. If I could, I would tell you that I hope you have found contentment, but I’m done caring about your happiness. I wish I were mature enough to say I want nothing but the best for you, but clearly: I’m not.

But hey, thanks for the message babe. It was entertaining to hear from you after all this time. You always knew how to make me laugh. Maybe next time you should appreciate the good things you have before they are not yours for the having anymore. But one thing is for sure: ‘Next time’ sure as hell isn’t going to be with me.

Truly not yours anymore,

The best thing you’ll never get back.

Xx